6 steps to revolution – from throwing sex toys to molotov cocktails

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The flatmates and I were sitting on the couch laughing at how ridiculous our government is and I casually said ‘gosh I could do a better job with my hand tied behind my back.’ A few beers later, and I’ve ended up with my arm tied behind my back typing up my manifesto for the revolution. Challenge accepted!

Step one, it’s Robin Hood time bitches

Pay cuts for politicians, tax the wealthy, donate all politicians’ company cars to low income families, and tax the corporations SIGNIFICANTLY. Some people may be thinking that’s unfair, but I think if you’re buying your fourth Porsche and eating caviar, whilst your neighbours kids are walking to school in bare feet with no food, then maybe you should share the love a bit and help a brother out. I’ve casually estimated these taxes will result in an extra $100 million for the country, which can be put back into community initiatives such as healthy school lunches, community vege gardens, renewable energy sources…….and while we’re at it lets overfund mental health services and education and see how that goes.

Step two, cure the housing apocalypse

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At the moment overseas investors can buy and sell property freely in NZ, making hundreds and thousands of dollars in profit, whilst hiking up our housing market prices, and not contributing one single iota to our economy. Let’s stop that shit and implement a capital gains tax on all housing except the family whare. This means that property investors would have to pay tax when selling their assets for a profit. We could then invest the huge amounts of money we’d make from this tax into funding tiny house communities. We could have public spaces where people could come along and learn how to build their own tiny house or even build one for someone else, which would help strengthen the community and fix the housing shortage. Additionally we could have a rent cap, which would be income tested so everybody could afford housing without being exploited for someone else’s profit.

Step three, sex, drugs and rock and roll

Decriminalise all drugs, and legalise marijuana. Currently we are spending millions of dollars each year on the ‘war on drugs’, so let’s decriminalise drugs and instead direct resources towards reducing drug related harm. Physical and psychological drug related harm should be a health issue, not a law and order issue. Legalising marijuana will have huge economic benefits; marijuana taxes in Colorado are bringing in tens of millions of dollars of tax each year, so it’s definitely a dope (no pun intended!) investment!

Step four, get better friends

A lot of our relationships with our ‘allies’ seem to be bordering on abusive. They ask us to surrender our sovereignty for their own economic gains. They ask us to sacrifice our sons and daughters to fight wars with people who are not our enemies. And they completely disrespect our values and beliefs, for example by bringing nuclear war ships into a country that is proudly nuclear free. I mean seriously? If I was Prime Minister and anybody tried that shit on my watch I would not only end that relationship, I’d also throw a dildo at them for trying to disrespect our country like that. Instead I propose we get some cool allies like Bhutan (the happiest country on earth), Bolivia (currently overthrowing capitalist mongrels), and Iceland (throwing bankers in jail since way back).

Step five, Maori empowerment

We’ve definitely got some serious societal issues in this area. I grew up with the Pakeha side of the family, so instead of learning about my Maori culture from whanau, I learnt about it from society and the media. Until I was 18 years old I told everybody that I was from the Greek Islands because I was too ashamed to admit I was Maori. I was bombarded by a media showing Maori as criminals, dole bludgers, no hopers, and losers. At parties people would make Maori jokes ‘what’s the difference between a Maori and a park bench? A park bench can support a family’. My high school principal called me into his office one day after I failed an exam to let me know that they were going change my grade to a pass because it looked good on the books for Maori students to be passing.

As an adult I still experience this subtle yet slowly soul destroying societal racism. I’m told when I’m dating “you’re pretty for a Maori!”, if I go to a mall my bag will almost always get searched, I get pulled over by the police regularly despite being fully legal, and I have been turned down employment because of my ethnicity. Probably the most damaging thing for my soul is that I can’t be intelligent, articulate and successful without people being surprised. People often feel so threatened that I don’t fit into the colonial narrative of a primitive and savage indigenous person, that they make excuses for my success “well your tribe pays for your education”, “they have a certain quota of Maori nurses they have to have”, and “you can tell you were raised by the European side of your family”. I don’t want to live in a society where children grow up ashamed of their culture, where tangata whenua feel like second rate citizens, and where colonisation is eternalised daily through the subtle subjugations and discriminations of a people.

We could learn grow and progress a lot by having Maoridom as the cornerstone for society. The public likes the haka and ‘kia kaha’, but Maori culture has got some other cool things on offer too! Kaitiakitanga, which is protecting the environment (excellent for climate change action), manaakitanga, which is loosely translated as hospitality (excellent for strengthening communities and welcoming refugees), and utu, which means the restoration of balance (the best foundation for an anti-austerity movement I’ve ever heard). We’ve been trying the Crown’s way for 200 years and look where we’ve ended up, we could at least try having Maori culture at the heart of our politics and see how things went.

Step six, have some fun

Politics is boring, let’s make it more interesting. Instead of political debates let’s have some political dance battles, party versus party rugby matches, charity fight nights, and a whole lot more pranks. Let’s fire the Minister of the GCSB and replace him with a Minister of Comedy (Rhys Darby – we’re looking at you!). And if a politician fucks up (which seems to happen all the time), they have to stand outside parliament wearing a dunce hat, and the public are allowed to come down and throw tomatoes at them.
And there you have it ladies and gentleman, my flatmates have concurred that I have successfully won the one hand behind the back political challenge! What do you think Aotearoa? Would you let me have a go at running the country with two hands?

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Josie Butler
Josie Butler (Muaupoko) is a social justice activist, best known for famously throwing a dildo at Steven Joyce in protest of the signing of the TPP. She has been heavily involved in the anti-TPP campaign for 2 years, and has organised numerous protests and actions throughout Canterbury. Josie works as a Registered Nurse in the Mental Health Sector, and is a staunch advocate for patient rights. She has led numerous voluntary projects both nationally and abroad in the health sector, and h er latest project is a suicide prevention campaign aimed at schools. She is currently studying Maori and Indigenous studies at Canterbury University with an aim of establishing a mental health clinic run by clinicians who have all experienced mental illness, with an underlying foundation of the Maori model of health. In her spare time she enjoys photography, fishing, travel, and spending time with her dog Mister Bojangles.

21 COMMENTS

  1. fresh air! well written piece with excellent suggestions Josie

    condescending racism is really stomach turning, caught more than a few out as they assume a pākehā to automatically be like them when they open the filthgate

  2. I will not only vote for you and your manifesto I would door knock, leaflet and talk people into doing likewise. Can I suggest you add a “work four, take three off” plank? This way people get three days off a week, guaranteed, to rest, play, think, hang out, connect with family and friends….and more people can get into work to pick up the slack.

  3. Fabulous mana and imagination here Josie.

    Step five was your best strongest valued piece of the warchest or tool box for revolution.

    I was raised a pakeha and leaned aori ways later in my life and now are convinced this is the way to go.

    Josie said;
    “We could learn grow and progress a lot by having Maoridom as the cornerstone for society. The public likes the haka and ‘kia kaha’, but Maori culture has got some other cool things on offer too! Kaitiakitanga, which is protecting the environment (excellent for climate change action), manaakitanga, which is loosely translated as hospitality (excellent for strengthening communities and welcoming refugees), and utu, which means the restoration of balance (the best foundation for an anti-austerity movement I’ve ever heard). We’ve been trying the Crown’s way for 200 years and look where we’ve ended up, we could at least try having Maori culture at the heart of our politics and see how things went.”

    Just one further addition you must make is to seize back half of our public service media TVNZ/RNZ for our collective use by our excellent Investigative journalists to counter the toxic bullshit National use currently for their Propaganda campaign to brain wash us all with their deliberate lies and deceit without the balance of the truth..

    Great Post Josie.

  4. Love it all, Josie.
    Step One : Yes
    Step Two : Yes
    Step Three: Yes (here’s a link in support : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YWe5kjG35M

    Step Four : Yes
    Step Five : Yes (I remember my school days when the Maori language was prohibited on school grounds)
    Step Six : Reservations but definite okay with the GCSB suggestion.
    And in answer to your question : Yes, I’d give you a go but I think you might need a wise head for guidance rather than a talking head in a suit.
    GO FOR IT.

  5. Josie I agree with much of what you say. Except I’d add let’s deal with climate change because that is the challenge of the century, and if we fail on that, the whole world economy will suffer a massive hit (158 trillion US dollars by 2050, according to the World Bank guesstimate). That will destabilise financial markets and result in serious poverty. Consequently there are predictions from eg the Pentagon for global unrest, and massive refugee problems that will make Syria etc. look like a family picnic. Now the problem is this: how do we get passive, complacent Kiwis to realise the seriousness of these issues and stop voting for Key because he has a baby face and a nice complexion?

    • All the way down the gurglar?

      All the way into Opposition next year?

      All the way consigned to the rubbish bin of history?

      You’ll need to be a bit more concise, Marks. 🙂

      • That was probably Max Key that penned that obscene statement, FRANK! “National & John Key all the way”!! yes out the door of another failure goes KEY.

        This as our Crown Debt now stands at a massive $112 Billion when it was at $8 billion when Labour left???????

        Australia’s is only $125 Billion and their population is four times NZ’s?

        Frank is correct to point! Key as a failure as he is just a selfish “opportunist” liar.

        • We can just give “The Crown” a promise to pay note just like their phony banking system and also organize a “stop the clock” movement so that interest is suspended. We could also cut off the head of the Crown and get rid of the debt that way. It’s been done before hasn’t it? Vive la France vive la liberte.

  6. Its been a while since your last blog & the subject is quite different but still a worthwhile read. It looks like you will get support as well & it would be good to have some new ideas in Parliament.

  7. You want to legalise drugs? Seriously? Have you seen what meth & heroin does to people? The majority do not want this. Oh and when was the last time a nuclear vessel entered nz? 30 years ago?

    • You need to read more accurately.
      Josie’s talking about moving drugs from Law into Health.
      And why are you so scared of what is just a person’s opinion?

  8. If you don’t mind me being serious for a moment: government politicians are really just the public face of government (and a very poor one at the moment). Nearly all the work goes on behind the scenes and it isn’t by the politicians – it is by an army of civil servants and paid staff – without whom the workings of government would quickly ground to a halt.
    Government politicians mostly make decisions (often poor ones) and sometimes they don’t even do that, they (over) pay consultants to do that and take the credit for it; they make policy (ditto about consultants) make speeches and sit smirking behind John Key at parliamentary question time.
    You are right – you could do it with one arm tied behind your back – but I bet you couldn’t do it quite so badly as these clowns.

  9. As long as National have the farmer blinded by bullshit, swimming in a morass of logical fallacies and drowning in debt any and all attempts at dissent will be met with confident contempt and if you try to harden up and fight back ? You will get beaten down and handcuffed.
    If you truly want to fight effectively, bring farmers ( and more importantly their money earned from exporting their produce to bring in vital foreign exchange ) in from the cold agricultural hinterlands with a promise of security against the vile overtures of foreign banks.
    Does it not strike you as odd, that when dire predictions of economic down turn are commented on here, that any decline in farming revenue is always in the fore front of that concern? Does that not tell you something of where you should focus your energy?
    What do you think will be the most vital commodity in a world heading into a disastrous phase of climate change and burgeoning and displaced populations ? Do you think they’ll be dying for the want of a wide screen TV? Do you think they’ll be killing each other over the latest sneakers.
    Well, knowing how terminally stupid human beings can be then yes. There is that likelihood.
    But I think there’s a greater likelihood of people running out of food and fresh water. And in a country like ours, where there’s plentiful supplies of both yet we’re experiencing shortages of foods, housing and basic health care then you should be deeply concerned that you have no real idea of what you’re talking about or of what direction you should in fact be heading in.
    Your enemy and my enemy is the banking industry protected by well lobbied money cultist politicians who’ve made our primary industry vulnerable to being swayed, bullied and enslaved.
    Not keeping ones eye on the predator is a good way of getting eaten alive. Know your enemy. Your enemy is our politicians cupping the testicles of the Banking Industry who’ve got our primary industry utterly powerless to do anything much other than work, and worry and be swindled until they drop dead.

    • Your actually 100% right .

      Pre 1984 , the farming industry as well as the manufacturing industry was protected by tariffs and given subsidy’s to weather the economic storms …

      It wasn’t perfect and there was always the predators and opportunists , … but at least there were regulations to curb their excesses…

      After 1984 and the dismantling of protections, … and the opening of the free markets….which is really a euphemism for allowing our markets to be swamped with cheap foreign produce and the degradation of our domestic produce…primarily by sweatshop conditions enabled by globalist neo liberalism…

      Whole communities in the provinces were dislocated , the farming and support industry’s were decimated… which led to the banks being able to foreclose and buy up prior rich farming land to sell off to those lobbyists with connections to the globalist banking industry.

      Its been a bitch of a time for the last 32 years of neo liberalism.

      Its affected many industry’s and farming, – which was once our mainstay and still is – has been a victim to monetarist policy’s and the abdication of govt to regulating Treasury.

      nd the root cause of all this subversion and racketeering is neo liberalism – and its variants Laissez Faire.

      Call it the Austrian school of Economics or call it the Chicago school of Economics… its the same old perverted economic hydra that seeks to steal the commons riches by stealth and deception.

      These bastards have been at it since the end of the British Empire and the decline of the East India Trading Company.

      Before that it was variants of the same old shitty model of Roman Imperialism that permeated itself in Europe through the Dark Ages through to the Medieval period and onward’s to the Renaissance…

      Greed and human ego /avarice always need to be guarded against .. it is a fact that humans just cannot help themselves and if let to their own devices and machinations… a significant number of any given population will ALWAYS CHOOSE to try and attempt to put one over their fellow human being.

      And that is why we need laws, regulations and protective devices for our community’s and our nation.

      To guard against TREASON.

      And to which I would say… neo liberalism is the very epitome of the anti democratic, anti sovereign ideology…it is the ideology of our time that seeks to always justify that which in former times…

      Would have been simply referred to as common piracy.

      Nothing more, nothing less.

  10. Thanks Josie ! ! – Refreshing and fun to read and very much to the point and so true.
    Well written and you have good throwing abilities and good timing as you
    brought attention to an elitist; out of touch; idiot neo – nazi type balding politician.
    He reminds me of Dick Cheney — in control behind the scenes.

    We need more good ideas like yours and then work on implementing them.
    Why can’t more of our politicians have the guts and passion that you do ? ?
    Keep up your powerful deep feelings and great plans a flowing more and more. This kind of stuff needs to be out there and talked seriously about.

  11. The best blogs tend to bring out the best responses
    – a ‘big yes’ to CB and WK!
    It’s all so obvious but yet we fight on….to what end, who knows..
    (…probably a watery one at this rate.)

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