To Katrina, with love from the Dubious Background & Wonderful Anyway Club


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The last few days must have been some of the worst in your life.

I know how it feels. So do many other women. You’re not alone.

There are some real scum in this country, who love nothing better than digging for secrets and painfully exposing them to the world. They don’t care about your wellbeing, your family, your life. All they care about is using their repressed sexuality and hypocritical views on what a good woman and a dirty woman is to rip you to shreds.

Because in their sad little world, none of the amazing things you’ve done in your life mean anything. You could be a saint and all they would care about is spreading hate. But that does not and should not take away how far you have come. It might feel like it right now, but it doesn’t. You have every right to be proud of where you are. I’ve never met you and I hate cooking shows, but I’m proud of you. A lot of us are sitting here right now wishing we could give you a big hug.

So many women have, at some point in their lives, had to do something we wouldn’t do now to get through. We are politicians, doctors, nurses, teachers, lawyers, TV stars – you name a profession and you’ll find dubiously-backgrounded wonderful women succeeding in it. I’m one of them. I used to be a sex worker. The sad little men have made many attempts to shame me for that. It used to get to me, but now I laugh in the face of their sickness – because I am using my life to make a difference, while they use theirs to spread bile.

It might feel like there are more sad little men than us, especially because they are so vociferously loud behind their laptop screens, but we are many and they are few. Because we are fundamentally good people, who didn’t always make the wisest decisions, but would do whatever it takes to care for our families. That fundamental goodness is permanent, and we flourish and continue to positively contribute to our communities in numerous ways – some more public than others, but all worthwhile. They fester in their hatefulness and drown in their hypocrisy – increasingly loathed and ridiculed by the majority of the population.

We got your back. You’re awesome. You deserve to succeed. You deserve to have the past kept in the past – but now it’s not, we’re standing beside you as fellow wonderful women (and men) who understand there’s more to someone than the sexual activities of their youth – public or private. You are a precious, loved and talented woman, mother, daughter, partner and human being.

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Kia kaha wahine ma!

(Stand strong, beautiful woman!)



  1. Kia kaha tangata ma

    I agree that the past sex life of women should not be exposed in order to belittle and humiliate them or derail the good work they are doing in the present. But this use of sexual foibles is not just used to restricted and bully women. Ask Ken Brown. Now I would criticise him for not standing shoulder to shoulder with wharfies trying to maintain a collective agreement but I have no interest in his sex life as long as it is not abusive, violent or exploiting the powerless. Why would anyone be obsessed with other people’s sex lives unless they are some primitive and self righteous Calvinist. The French concept of laicite should apply to sex as well as religion. It’s your private business, and should stay private.

    • In order to vote for someone, I need to agree with their political position and to believe that they are telling the truth about their position.

      When a man is having an affair while lying to those who love and trust him the most then that does effect how I judge his ability to play it straight with me.

      Not withstanding that, whale boil and the crew who outed him are the scum of the earth.

    • You mean Len Brown. Well I am not obsessed with the man’s sex life, BUT, when you sell yourself to the public in your mayoral campaign as a good family man, when you speak at a large Pacific Church in Otara and reiterate your commitment using the family unit as a good example and then you get caught having a bit on the side well expect it to haunt you.

      • You fail to consider that an affair does not necessarily negate “the good family man” – it just makes you a human with human failings.

        Any affair is a private issue between partners and family, and if you vote for someone on the idea that you have a right to insist on perfect behaviour in relationships that have nothing to do with his/her ability to do the job, then you will either be kept in ignorance about what truly is happening or will be disappointed.

        Integrity in the job is what matters with regard to the relationship Len Brown had with the ratepayers of Auckland. And despite a thorough comprehensive investigation, he was not found to have misappropriated funds in any way.

        I know good family men and women who have had affairs, and they have integrity, love and care for their families. I know others that have had affairs, and show disregard for the same.

        The affair component is not the indicator many believe it to be of a fundamental fault.

        It is however, none of our business.

  2. Well said Rachael. In sex work there are two parties involved, in pornography there’s people on camera and people viewing. Why one side should be vilified is beyond me, what is sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. And it is none of mine or anybodies else’s business to pry into. For me I don’t need to know what people “were”, I want to know what they “are”. Keep your heads up ladies.

  3. Well said Rachael I was disgusted by that front page headline, as if it matters in a cooking show what she has done in her past to make ends meet, but then I wasn’t all that surprised these are the same publications that on a daily basis have articles headlining the latest Kardashian comment or clothing of the day, which imo leads us to mass apathy not empathy

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