Why Key chooses to talk masturbation on commercial radio



The National Party cheerleader, the NZ Herald, is embarrassed by our Prime Minister…

How does John Key get away with these things? To expose himself on radio to personal questions to which he can answer only yes or no is bound to endanger the dignity of his office. Thanks to an appearance on Hauraki’s breakfast programme, we now know our Prime Minister has, among other things, stolen something and peed in a shower.

Though that is more than we want to know, it is less than we might learn.

If he is going to admit to criminal and social offences, it begs a number of questions.

…Key loves commercial radio. It’s a cultural and political wasteland for NZers who have about as much intellectual curiosity as a coma patient. Commercial Radio is a colourblind medium judging a rainbow.

Key can appear on commercial radio and laugh it up with the bloke BBQ mentality that passes as public debate because Key has  depoliticization of the role of Prime Minister.

National can’t win the economic argument for their free market dogma because the reality is all it does is enrich those already wealthy. Rather than explain what his Government will do to actually lift 1 in 5 children out of poverty, Key will tell Maori cannibal jokes, gay red shirt jokes, marry a rock DJ in a mock Gay wedding, camp mincing down run way walks, discuss how often he uses the c word,  dance Gangnam styles on radio, laugh at David Cunliffe for criticising domestic violence, talk about stealing, peeing in the shower and masturbation.

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Key’s ability to appeal to the anti-intellectualism of his supporters by dismantling the responsibilities of the Prime Ministership down to a pop culture youtube clip could come unstuck if we had a Jon Stewart type who could highlight this, sadly satire in this country is as dead as investigative journalism and all we have is John Oliver.

When we consider the depoliticization of the role of PM with this Government’s mass surveillance powers and attacks on journalists who challenge them, we have a creeping casual fascism hellbent on focusing on the trivial and stupid while crushing the important.

It’s amazing isn’t it – Key will talk about masturbation, trimming his pubic hair, stealing and urinating in the shower but he won’t talk to us about the TPPA, mass surveillance or Dirty Politics.


  1. Seems FJK’s flag baby is going down the gurgler, judging by recent surveys and the number of current NZ flags flying outside homes, in gardens. Never seen so many in my life!

    So any diversion is better than concentrating on his extravagant, failing vanity project!

    No class, no statesmanship whatsoever. Just a crass arrogant piece of work, prepared to embarrass the nation, in order to save face, by diverting attention away from the real issues!

    The international community must realize by now, NZ is led by an egotistical, two faced, thieving (asset sales), lying git! FJK is an infectious, festering scab on the face of NZ, which needs urgent lancing!

    BTW and slightly off topic. After only being back in session for two weeks after a fortnight’s recess, Parliament will go into a one week break next week! Something big must be about to erupt, giving FJK the opportunity to avoid being challenged and held to account!

  2. And in the meantime issues such as income inequality, child poverty, lack of housing to the needy etc (the list goes on) gets further pushed into the background. He demeans the office and is making NZ a laughing stock

  3. And issues such as income inequality, child poverty, lack of decent housing for the needy etc get further pushed into the background. He is demeaning the office of Prime Minister and making us a laughing stock

  4. Shonkey is the master in deception, that is why he loves top use radio to divert away what he and his Government are during behind closed doors.

  5. Yep, it’s about as depressing as you can get!

    I was talking to a very nice chap (a retired CEO of a largish Auckland co.) in my local café the other day, who as young man came to N.Z from England via a stint in Australia back in the 60’s .
    He asked if I wanted to read the morning paper (as he had finished), “for what it’s worth”.
    “No thanks”, I replied .” It’s not worth anything any more, unless your interested in Auckland house prices or an update on Richie McCaw or Sonny Bill Williams’s hamstrings.”
    And so we got talking…
    He said when he first arrived in N.Z Hollyoak was the Prime Minister of the day and later of course Norman Kirk.
    “I didn’t mind either of them. They were both mature respectful dignified men and I liked that. And therefore I liked N.Z ” he said.
    He went on…” How times have changed. Now I just feel like either ‘going bush’ in the South Island or living somewhere in the S.W of France where people still have taste and standards of decency.
    Because frankly this guy Key is so immature and vapid, and his influence is turning sections of the populace into a bland nothingness which is both embarrassing and depressing .
    I feel like there’s nothing out there. N.Z ‘s intangible quality has gone and been replaced with crassness and vacuity .”
    I nodded in agreement.
    “So what do you think is going to make it change”, I asked.
    “The youth, who haven’t been under his influence, but have to bare the consequences of renting for life combined with a whole lot of other societal problems. They are the ones, short of a miracle .”
    “Could be a bit of a wait then “?
    “Unfortunately yes, which is why I am flying out to Europe tomorrow to do some ‘homework’.
    I just can’t wait that long!”

  6. By my rough estimate there are around 400 alternatives to commercial radio in NZ. They’re community, iwi and student broadcasters who compete against the NZME / Mediaworks duopoly.

    Next Saturday I’ll be hosting a current affairs show on one of them. While local politicians are prepared to be interviewed, so far Paula Bennett and Bill English have ducked, dived, weaved and (in Bennett’s case) broken commitments to be questioned over statements they’ve made about the poor. I’m heading back overseas but will be back again next year when I’ll resume trying to hold them to account (unlike most of the media I have a long memory, and tenacity).

    But if you want real radio, the way it used to be, I urge you to find your local community, iwi or student station. In the Hutt Valley that’s Hutt Radio on 106.1FM or streaming on Tunein.com

  7. Some people are only now waking up to John Key’s psyche and, like it or not, the reason for his popularity over the last seven years with probably a few more to come.

    • The interview probably appealed to the lowest common denominator. Those who laugh at rape or racist jokes. Those for whom writing anything in-depth is a struggle. Those who can’t even spell out their names, in full.

      It’s good to have a laugh, eh, ‘h’?

    • @ H – thanks for visiting TDB. All comments are valued on their worth here, including yours.

      Whether you realize it or not, but your contribution has increased the visitor numbers, which can only be good for TDB 🙂

      TDB is the best 🙂

  8. Ten yes/no questions I would like to have put to John Key:
    1. Did you make money betting against the value of the NZ dollar?
    2. If you thought you could get away with it would you fondle a waitress’s hair?
    3. Did you collude with others in the downfall of South Canterbury Finance?
    4. Will your government strive to manage NZ’s GHG emissions to fulfill its share of ensuring that warming doesn’t exceed 2 degrees?
    5. Will you sell off or privatise KiwiBank in your term of office?
    6. Did you support allowing the South African rugby team to tour in 1981?
    7. Should we have nuclear power in NZ?
    8. Have you ever called or texted Cameron Slater in your capacity as Prime Minister?
    9. Did you know that Mike Sabin was facing issues that could affect his MP status before the 2014 election?
    10. Are your American masters happy with your performance?

    • add a few more questions about money, trading , sharp practice , blind trusts, laundering and corruption…especially to do with NZ money

    • The Prime Minister shouldn’t have to put up with people prying into his shower like this. It’s disgusting and probably a Labour Party set-up.

      People keep asking me personal questions as well, just like they did with Colin Craig and moon landings, except with me they just keep asking me what ACT stands for?

      Colin Craig and the PM have a lot in common as well because, both have been attacked by vulgar and intrusive media with innuendoes and lies about sexual practises.

      It certainly won’t stop me shaking hands with the PM and the left-wing media in this country should jolly-well take note of what happened to John Campbell and stop harrassing the member about what he does in private.

  9. John Key is and always will be, nothing other than a diverting and distracting tactician, hiding behind politics, to cover up his true intentions of making sheer volumes of wealth, at the expense of other people.
    The only two things that can stop him now are suicide, or another smiling assassin.

  10. Jennifer – I’m going to get a mental corkscrew to extract those two images out of my imagination.

    But it makes me wonder if Richie will be as keen to shake JK’s hand this weekend, after his revelations about what he does in the shower.

    Or anybody really – it’s going to be a bit uncomfortable for punters on the election roadshow, when they have to shake JWK’s hand.

  11. Am I allowed to proffer that the reason Key talks about masturbation on idiotjock radio is that he is a wanker? Give the radio stations he inhabits credit for pinpointing what we know he is.

    • Winnie, what could Oliver say that could beat Key in Real Life? Our PM is a sad self-parody already…

      I wonder if National supporters look forward to his next personal revelations? *ugh*

  12. I have been thinking hard about the line “depoliticization of the role of Prime Minister”.
    I think you have actually nailed the entire crux of the problem, Martyn. John Key has depoliticized the role of Prime Minister to the extent that he can play the circus clown or bloke next door about 90% of the time and only has to act like a Prime Minister when something unusual happens (like the Canterbury earthquake).
    I think that when the sleepy hobbits see John Key they don’t think of him as our Prime Minister, they think of him as some cultural ambassador or ceremonial figure, like a town mayor, elected but not really political.
    He is absolutely the first PM to achieve such godlike, untouchable celebrity status. David Lange perhaps came the closest of the other recent PMs. Can you imagine any others like this? Don Brash? Helen Clarke? Jim Bolger? I don’t think so!
    Of course some people, probably a lot of people judging by Key’s high poll results, think this is a good thing. They think that PMs being aloof and above us is a bad thing so they welcome a PM who could just as well be your neighbour next door or fellow you bump into down at the fish and chip shop. Politics should be more personal and less elitist and then politicians would gain more respect from “ordinary” people, they would become just like us, to coin a phrase.
    Well that is the ideal, but as we well know ideals don’t always work well in practice. So what is the problem of the PM office being depoliticized? A couple of things.
    The office, and by this I mean the institution rather more than the person heading it, risks becoming just another government department. The PM office is the numero uno of our land and our democratic system. Sure we have the GG or the Queen but they don’t actually make decisions, they simply ratify the decisions already made. If you depoliticize the numero uno institution then you rob it of its value. A good example is how Russia’s Putin was able to do this to the PM office in Russia by switching back and forward between being the President and the PM, to get around constitutional requirements. It didn’t matter whether Putin was officially President or not, he was still president in reality. To put it another way, the man was more important than the office.
    I believe this is happening in New Zealand now with John Key, with at least the assistance, if not the enthusiastic support, of the MSM. In many ways John Key has ceased to be the PM and has become the ceremonial monarch or show biz celebrity whose every move is covered by Women’s Day and other merchants of fluff.
    Is this the best way for the PM office to be? I don’t think so, I believe that the PM should put him/herself above politics, not below it as John Key has done. We need to have confidence that in a national emergency or time of crisis our PM can step up and lead us properly. Oh yes, you may say, he came to the rescue of Cantabrians after the two vicious earthquakes. But in reality he mostly just toured around, promising a lot and then leaving it to Gerry Brownlee and grossly underfunded institutions to sort out the mess, which still hasn’t been sorted out to this day. Likewise after the Pike River disaster – he promised the miners’ families and the NZ public a lot, but once again it proved too much like hard work. The anticipated public brownie points didn’t happen so John Key gave up and reneged on his promises.
    John Key’s depoliticized PM office has become like the old Department of Publicity, a political propaganda office with him as the chief propagandist. This is not what we should have, we should have a PM who can lead us, not follow us and set examples of behaviour and integrity that can inspire us. We don’t need a PM who is just as down and dirty as the average Joe Bloggs.

    • That’s right. When the going gets tough John Key gets going – out the door towards his next media engagement.

    • We can laugh at funny things, but homeless people, unemployed people, and people in arbitrary detention in Australian gulags are not actually funny, and if you find them amusing then AndrewO you are not a nice person.

      • You’re such a bunch of purse-lipped, judgmental, humorless boors.

        As a matter of fact Key DIDN’T chose to talk about masturbation. He was just asked a question and answered it honestly.

        What more can you ask from a Prime Minister?

        For most of us in this fine country, he scores points for daring to go on the show!

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