The Daily Blog Open Mic Sunday 26th April 2015

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openmike

 

Announce protest actions, general chit chat or give your opinion on issues we haven’t covered for the day.

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8 COMMENTS

  4. Dear John,

    I read about your “horsing about” and it made me realise you may be able to help me.
    You see, a couple of weeks ago I was in this café, enjoying myself with a couple of mates. It was a beautiful Saturday morning and the place was buzzing with friends meeting up at the end of a hectic week. I couldn’t help noticing a very attractive young woman sitting at a table on the other side of the room. Her hair, her beautiful, lustrous, enticinghair; her hair, caught up in a pert pony tail which flicked and twitched as she nodded and smiled with her companion. Oh! How my fingers itched, just to touch that hair!
    “Earth to Micko”, said my friend, “you’re drooling, mate”, and the spell was broken.
    Later, I needed the loo, so I got up to go. Before even realising it, I found myself passing directly behind the young woman and couldn’t help myself saying, as I passed behind her, “Your hair looks so enticing”. And then, just to emphasise the point, I gave her pony tail a little tug and said “Don’t mind me, I’m just horsing about.”
    On the way back out I had to pass behind her, again. She saw me coming and turned her face towards me, which meant that the pony tail was out of my reach.
    “Playing hard to get, are we?” I thought, as I passed, so I waited until I had gone right past her then, when she wasn’t expecting it, reached in and gave her a little tug. “Ha, Gotcha” I said, flashing her the old million watt smile.
    I got back to my table and my friend leaned in close and said “Hey, Bro! Settle! Can’t you see she doesn’t like it?”
    “Nah, she’s lovin’ it”, I said. Well, I knew she was ‘cos of the way she was still switching that enticing ponytail all over the place.
    A little time later we got to the stage of arguing over whose turn it was to pay. He held out for a while, insisting it was his turn but eventually, as I knew he would, he gave in and I got up to go and flash the plastic. Can’t have Bill thinking I owe him anything.

    On the way back I was taking a look at the young woman’s face when she glanced up and we made eye contact for just a second. She looked away so quickly that I just knew she was being coquettish. Well, inspiration struck, and I went into “Cookie-Bear” monster mode, advancing on her and humming the theme from jaws. It had just the effect I wanted. She played along beautifully, turning in her chair, so her back was to the wall, and feigning mock horror.
    “I’ll still get you”, I thought, as I reached to get my hand between her head and the wall.

    Next thing, I’m face down on the floor. My wrist is somewhere between my shoulder blades, there’s a knee in my back, and the end of a ponytail is flicking in my eyes, while the young woman is barking in my ear. “I am a police officer and I’m arresting you for assault”.

    So, now my questions to you, John.

    Do you think that if I offer this police woman a couple of bottles of nice red wine and explain how I didn’t realise, do you think that might help my case? Or do I risk being done for attempted bribery?

    What about my broken nose? My lawyer says it will go worse for me if I mention that the bit about me stumbling against the cell door isn’t actually true. He reckons I should just do a brain fade on the issue. Says it works for you. So should I file a complaint with the IPCC, or should I stay schtum?

    He also says that if I was to openly acknowledge my trichophilia, and seek help for it, then the court might be favourably inclined towards leniency. What do you think?

    Hoping you can provide me with some answers,

    Yours, with much feeling,

    Mickomarvel.

      • Thank you so much for that. Coming from you, it is the best compliment my writing has ever been given.
        I’m not a journo – can’t write to order. The whole idea just pops up into my head, about 60% complete and then it pretty much writes itself. But until the muse strikes (or whatever it is that muses do) I’m just the old geezer that, when asked what he does, replies, “Well, sometimes I just sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits.”

        Been wasting my time on TMMB, but banned for life (Badge of Honour) for calling a right wing troll a “right wing troll”.

        • Mickomarvel – ah yes, TradeMe message boards. Aka, National/ACT Propaganda website for right-wingers and Key sycophants. (Is Feeder still there?)

          I think your modesty does your talent no justice and hope to see more of your Muse-inspired writing.

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