“Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the first TVNZ leaders debate being held live in the gloriously beautiful Sky City ball room. It’s such a beautiful building boys and girls, we are so blessed to have Sky City here, they do such amazing charity work and their Wednesday night Texas Hold ‘Em tournaments are some of the best in country. Thank you, thank you, thank you Sky City.
I love you.
Now to the first leaders debate between National Party leader John Key and that fucking commie David Cunliffe.
John Key – How do you keep your skin so soft and unblemished Prime Minister?
David Cunliffe – Are you going to apologise now or after this debate you socialist wimp?
John Key – Oh Lord, why is the economy so amazing under your incredible leadership?
David Cunliffe – Stuart Nash told me you hate babies, why are you hiding your baby hating?
John Key – My love, is it difficult healing sick children with just your smile every day?
David Cunliffe – My buddy Cameron Slater says you are a smelly dirty pinko. Why are you such a smelly dirty pinko David Cunliffe?
John Key – Sweet Prince, this country has prospered under your benign and loving care, why do the Green Taliban and Labour communists want to burn it to the ground? Why must they hate the children?
David Cunliffe – Matthew Hooton tells me you love to torture sweet cute fluffy bunny rabbits, why do you hate animals so much David Cunliffe?
John Key – Your big beautiful eyes sparkle like the dancing soul of a unicorn. How can heaven bear to be without you Prime Minister?
David Cunliffe – If elected you will allow unionists the right to shoot and kill anyone with a subscription to the NBR, why do you hate aspiration so much?