UNBREAKING: The list of questions Mike Hosking will use in first TVNZ leader debate



“Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the first TVNZ leaders debate being held live in the gloriously beautiful Sky City ball room. It’s such a beautiful building boys and girls, we are so blessed to have Sky City here, they do such amazing charity work and their Wednesday night Texas Hold ‘Em tournaments are some of the best in country. Thank you, thank you, thank you Sky City.

I love you.

Now to the first leaders debate between National Party leader John Key and that fucking commie David Cunliffe.

John Key – How do you keep your skin so soft and unblemished Prime Minister?

David Cunliffe – Are you going to apologise now or after this debate you socialist wimp?

John Key – Oh Lord, why is the economy so amazing under your incredible leadership?

David Cunliffe – Stuart Nash told me you hate babies, why are you hiding your baby hating?

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John Key – My love, is it difficult healing sick children with just your smile every day?

David Cunliffe – My buddy Cameron Slater says you are a smelly dirty pinko. Why are you such a smelly dirty pinko David Cunliffe?

John Key – Sweet Prince, this country has prospered under your benign and loving care, why do the Green Taliban and Labour communists want to burn it to the ground? Why must they hate the children?

David Cunliffe – Matthew Hooton tells me you love to torture sweet cute fluffy bunny rabbits, why do you hate animals so much David Cunliffe?

John Key – Your big beautiful eyes sparkle like the dancing soul of a unicorn. How can heaven bear to be without you Prime Minister?

David Cunliffe – If elected you will allow unionists the right to shoot and kill anyone with a subscription to the NBR, why do you hate aspiration so much?


Here’s the petition to TVNZ to remove Hosking from the debates.  


  1. John Key’s first answer will probably be something like: The same way you keep your curly hair so gorgeous, mikey!

  2. This is brilliant Martyn, though depressingly is probably more balanced than the questions that he’ll actually ask.

  3. John Key – Oh Lord, why is the economy so amazing under your incredible leadership?

    “Well akshully Mike it’s because we place a high value on responsible financial management and Bill English has produced a series of very sound budgets and we’ve taken the prudent step of borrowing anywhere between $100m and $300m a week – and we ignore reports from places like Forbes.”

    • Thanks for posting the Forbes link, E-Clectic, it should be required reading for all those Kiwi make-a-fortune tellers out there pretending to be economists.

  4. I imagined it’d go something like this (apologies to Alexi Sayles):

    Key: What did you think about your wonderful time in Hawaii?

    Cunliffe: How dare you take time off during an election campaigne, you worm. Now what do you have to say for yourself?

    *Cunliffe tries to speak* ” Well I..” SHUT UP!

    Key: Now back to you, you’re the most popular leader of all times, how do you stay so modest?

    • Hosking , Key , Boag, Hooton, Hide , Henry ….the list goes on and on.
      What on earth did N.Z do to deserve this vacuous bunch?
      How did we allow this to happen?

      • I listened to Boag yesterday on Radio Live with Mike Williams. She was worse the usual; spouting out her dreadful bile and continually overtaking Mike Williams. What a dreadful person she is; rude arrogant full of her own overblown sense of self entitlement. Remember the ‘Wine box’ controversy. That alone should disqualify her from being used by the media. Another Tory that gets too much air time.

  5. Nice one. You always hit the nail on the head. How about something on the overabundance of billboards with that smarmy weasel pasted all over them. His hated face is on both sides, the local candidate doesn’t even get a look in, in most cases. It really is all about King John.

    • Definitely vomit worthy! Every day I have to suppress the vandal lurking inside me…. I have so many creative ideas… its painful

  6. Mike Hosking and John Key together will be like watching Dr Evil and Mini-Me. It will be Key vs Key vs Cunliffe tag-team style.

  7. That is the best laugh I’ve had for a long time. I needed that !
    Sad thing is ,it’s probably not far off the mark!

  8. Quite frankly Bomber I’d sooner watch a Men’s Sychronized Swimming Event rather than an interview with Mike Hoskin….my view

    TVNZ as Public Broadcaster should instead let the likes of Willie Jackson / Miriama Kamo, Stacy and Scotty Morrison or Hinerangi Forbes and Dale Husband….lead from Maori Broadcasting. Saw ”Tautohetohe’ a debating show, which could provide a good format as issues are important and get lost in ‘Presidential’ politics….Good way to honor Treaty of Waitangi too.

    An idea and kind regards
    Doug Hay DLANZ

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