Twenty years ago I was teaching at a secondary school which included lessons on what we called “social education”.
It was for Years 9 and 10 (13-15 year old boys and girls) and took up an hour a week.
It included information and activities on sex and sexuality but the overall focus was on relationships of all sorts – with parents, school, friends and peers. It dealt with such things as communication skills which included speaking and listening skills so you hear not what you want to hear but what the other person is actually saying. It also dealt with such things as strong emotions; the importance of “I” statements; dealing with peer pressure on issues like smoking and alcohol; coping strategies; saying no in ways that uphold you and your values without necessarily alienating or abandoning people around you.
As someone who taught closely prescribed science courses for most of the week I found teaching some of these lessons liberating – the opportunity to have wide-ranging discussions on issues personal importance to students. Student and parent feedback was generally very good and for the most part families deeply appreciated the courses – especially sole parent households.
At the senior school level where the pressure of curriculum and assessment is greater the school still found time for at least some learning experiences along these lines. I remember one of the most valuable was in the final days of school for seniors when half a day was set aside for a couple of sessions on “keeping safe over summer”. Students would respond to some key questions about the risks around family issues, alcohol, parties etc They would identify the issues, identify the risks, share good and bad experiences and come up with strategies to keep themselves and their friends much safer.
The focus was not on preaching to kids or lecturing them on what they must and must not do. Instead it was recognizing and drawing on the wide range of real experiences students had and providing a structured opportunity for them to share, discuss and learn from the experiences of their peers.
The sessions didn’t set out to be judgmental but the students certainly were. They were collectively easily able to identify and condemn “rape-culture” and the discussions were obviously an eye-opener for both sexes – affirming the good things about relationships and condemning anything approaching coercive sex.
These sessions were “owned” by the students and I think that for some of them at least it was the most valuable half day of the year.
It could be summed up as learning to treat ourselves and others with dignity and respect.
At one school I taught at the Principal would tell new parents of Year 9 students that they should not expect the school to perform miracles with their kids because he said the school was fourth in line in terms of influence on teenagers. First was the peer group, second the family, third the community and fourth the school. As a rule of thumb I think that’s about right which is why good relationship education realizes the potential of the peer group to up-end our “rape culture”.
Nothing in teaching and learning is perfect but this ‘relationship’ education was the best I’ve come across in any school. These days most schools will include some of this – usually attached to the PE/Health program – and when it’s done well it is invaluable for our teenagers.
At the other end of the spectrum from the school I taught in was one I was told had no relationship education whatever but simply had a religious group come in and encourage boys and girls to make “virginity pledges” that they wouldn’t have sex till they were married.
This is fair enough as an option but when it’s provided as the only alternative to comprehensive sex education then it’s a failure for everyone.
Plenty of things have changed for teenagers these last two decades – the two biggest being all-pervasive internet pornography and the explosion of RTD drinks aimed at teenagers and young women in particular. Both have seriously exacerbated “rape-culture”.
The impact of pornography was brought home to me in a stark way last week when I heard of a counselor who was reporting seeing increasing numbers of young men from late teens to early twenties who had been immersed in pornography for many years and were completely unable to relate to young women to the point where they suffered erectile dysfunction when trying to engage in a real sexual relationship. So attuned had their brains become to the mind numbing (and penis numbing) effect of pornography that they would only be aroused by the most extreme degrading pornography.
This is one of the saddest things I’ve heard these last two weeks. I have no idea how widespread it is but I suspect it could be the tip of a quickly growing iceberg.
On the alcohol issue there’s no doubt that booze is the lubricant of “rape culture” and at the heart of the problem are the big booze barons whose profits are made from peddling alcohol to teenagers – the more the better.
In fact alcohol and pornography are both barely regulated big businesses with teenagers as key consumer targets.
They intersect with advertising such as the Tui girls – the sort of alcohol promotion Justice Minister Judith Collins and Prime Minister John Key specifically refused to regulate last year despite widespread community concern.
Both ministers are now trying to play catch-up to widespread community alarm.
John Key is talking about the need to address these issues in schools and that’s fair enough. Most schools will welcome the opportunity and the resources to improve what they are able to provide in relationship education.
In the meantime more regulation of alcohol advertising and its association with sex is long overdue. (Note: Currently there is a “voluntary code” only whereby alcohol advertising is not supposed to relate alcohol use to “sexual success” – the code is worthless as the Tui girls and recent events illustrate)
Judith Collins and John Key tell us promoting personal responsibility is the way to go rather than government regulation but when the leaders of the booze industry abandon any notion of their personal responsibility in favour of exploiting the vulnerabilities of our teenagers for profit then it’s time to put them on a tight leash.
The last couple of weeks provide the opportunity for a cultural shift in New Zealand but it will need strong follow through – something we are very poor at doing.
However I’m suggesting two important and practical things we can do are proper resourcing for schools to provide high quality social and “civics” education programs and heavy regulation of the out-of control booze industry.
…… not just the internet, and RTD’s ….
I’d add to that more specifically, the advent of internet ‘dating sites’, which MAY have benefits for some/many, but which also have a downside:
– the ease with which ‘booty calls’ and ‘transactionalised’ sexual encounters are readily available.
I’d venture further – the effect on diseases such as HIV, HPV et al.
It wasn’t THAT long ago that a number of HIV+ people were asked how they came to be poz. I no longer have the stats, and they were more specifically related to Australian/Queensland/Northern NSW experiences, but most were the result of booty calls and internet ‘hookups’.
The hazards of the virtual, transactionalised, commodified world – often, but not always designed for monetary reward, but also things such as a search for instant gratification. Next, next, next, I want, I want, ME, ME, ME.
Just in case I got caught in the EDIT trap – where I didn’t quite finish before timeout:
I’m not sure we’re actually in a position to moralise.
Firstly, it’s not too dissimilar to the late 60’s/early 70’s Height Ashbury experience, other than we’re now parents ourselves with a concern for offspring – just as our own fucked-up parents with their various prejudices had.
Secondly, this IS the world we created – and it’s not one our children created. It’s one they may now be taking advantage of however
And thirdly – one can understand WHY the likes of Bomber has a prejudice against the increasing numbers of ‘control freak’ baby boomer pontificators and experts use to try and allay their own shortcomings for the current state of play.
Good Call, good call. I have a really interesting book called Pornland, which opened my eyes to how much the Porn Industry has desensitized people to some pretty intense themes- none of which I particularly want to revisit.
I think the thing that stood out to me most was a Porn Peddler who admitted that the industry is running out of ideas, and therefore continues to push the envelope in order to remain profitable. Harming/Humiliating people appears to be the last profitable frontier in their industry, whereas in the past when the industry was young and society more covered up, money was primarily made from simply showing the naked form.
Based on discussions with a combination of open minded and quite reserved friends, I think we are all in agreement, that no matter our sexual preferences or dalliances with various taboos- none of us appreciate the sexualization of children that occurs via modern media. I identify this as being inherently evil, and the main cause behind harmful attitudes and patterns we see in society today.
Sadly, I think the more we yell ” No Rape Culture” the more exciting it becomes in a world which is fast running out of Taboos.
I am hugely concerned about the impact of porn on our teens … And us! Young adults are increasingly waxiedr into pre pubescence, this is apparently what the boys want. What, sex with pre teens! Violence, hardcore bondage,anal and gang rape are being normalised for this generation. Mate, if you want to have sex with children, get help. If you want to inflict pain, make sure you like it too. Ditto for anal. You happy with a c@$k in your arse? By all means then negotiate with your beloved …
I viewed some current video games today on youtube and was astounded and appalled by the violence against women in nearly off the of 6 short trailers. No wonder young men grow up thinking that they should respect as aspire to be macho brainless, soul-less chumps. The women are beaten, sliced, raped and abused, um so how does this contribute well to a males psyche? Anyone?
This is another interesting post by John Minto. I agree with much, but re booze and pornography, is that to be blamed for all?
Personally I see it a bit differently. Booze has different effects on different persons. Whenever I drank or drink, I hardly get any extra urge to focus on sexual activity or interest. Rather the opposite, I must say, I would feel more of an enhanced interest in listening to music, watching some music or other videos, than to watch pornography or even seek sexual activities.
It seems in some other people the reaction is different.
As for pornography, I have seen a fair bit, but while I find it a bit problematic, I have not been feeling that this would urge me to go out and become a predator or even rapist. I have though only had casual contact with pornography online or in other forms, I must admit.
Perhaps the too easily accessible, more regular contact with this may have more profound effects on persons, especially young males?
I grew up in a culture where alcohol was accepted and commonly consumed, but one had to learn and realise that this would be in moderation and under social norms, that avoided too great risks. Of course in any society certain people have a genetic or other disposition to become abusers and addicted. That must be addressed then.
As for this “rape culture”, I am still struggling to find enough evidence for this to be so wide-spread. One challenge young people have is to learn behaviour, and to avoid risks and to be responsible and respectful of each other. Some fail the test, and they are the ones to worry about.
As John points out, more efforts can be made by way of education at school and at home. Only if parents are also responsible and informed, is there a good chance that their kids will learn what needs to be learned. Schools can contribute, but cannot address all, for sure. Society must also contribute, and that is one major concern I have.
When you have a media and systems, that so strongly promote commercialism, advertising, misinformation, and where education and proper informing become a neglected side activity, you are asking for trouble. That is where I see New Zealand. It is a country and society where we get inundated with messages by radio, TV, also the internet, that the ultimate self-fulfillment is consumption, self promotion, competition, material success, and not much else. Whether it is employment, careers and whatever else, as a worker and consumer you tend to become “commoditised”. We have become economic units to be measured, to perform and show results.
Social contacts, proper, mature communication, respect and inclusion, same as democratic input in processes have become totally neglected. We are a country of competitors that strive for self-centered goals, achievements, careers and personal gains.
People do not even talk with each other, when you are in public transport, in public places or wherever, unless perhaps “lubricated” by a bit of alcohol or other stimulants. People no longer relate well with each other.
There is the core issue, I think, and the internet, with social media and whatever, is just and extension of social isolation, where technical connectivity is not matched with real social connectedness. So young males and females are as stereotyped as ever, and hence we have the issues we are discussing. The stereotypes are encouraged by the very self serving drives that are promoted.
It is time to reinvent true social interaction, with people in flesh and face to face, at social gatherings where you actually talk and listen, to communicate, learn and share. That is now hardly happening anywhere.
It is time for a rethink of what we want for a society, and for social interaction, and then we may not have such excesses as “Roast Busters” proved we have now.
This is a thoughtful and sensible reflection on the problems of teenage rape, and their lack of responsibility. Well done John…let’s hope someone is listening.
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