TV Review: Goooooooooooooooooooooooal for user pays sport

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‘Are we not entertained?’ growls Russell Crowe’s Maximus character to the degenerate Roman mob after slaughtering his way to victory in the movie Gladiator. The audience wanted extreme violence, elaborate violence, excessive violence. The state authorities patronised and organised and funded the shows of blood and death as a public good. This was the popular mass entertainment of the day combining athletics and martial arts with the concept of sacrifice. It was sanctioned by the community (not the Christian one – at least not on the days they were the victims). This was the sharp end of professional sport in the day.

These were not the classical disciplines of the ancient Olympiads, the gladiatorial encounters and choreographed massacres were the result of a process of modernity in Rome that evolved into the notoriously graphic spectacles we understand them to have been. Reading Gibbon’s Decline and Fall, it seems the amount of resources and the time given over to them ran according to the vanity of the Emperor and this increased over time as each wanted to outdo the next. It was unsustainable and by the time they were Christianised the state finances and the prevailimg Jesus cult meant the demise of that form of heathenism as entertainment. The likes of which we would never see again.

These thoughts came to mind in considering the events of the last fortnight.

The State of Origin rugby league match was publicised for its signal dust-up. Not the result, the score, but the fight – that’s what people remember. A few days later a kid at rugby training in West Auckland is dead after a fight. TV3’s parent company Mediaworks went into receivership and reality genre guru Julie Christie goes onto the new board. The Labour lads were spotted coming out of Sky City’s corporate box at Eden Park for the All Blacks – France game.

This week a venture named Coliseum has swooped in to snatch the English Premier League soccer TV rights off the effective pay TV monopoly in the country, Sky. Sky’s share price sunk low enough to indicate that this incursion is just the beginning. Sky has built its base – from their launch in May 1990 – upon sports. The movies and the news were second tier to sports. Taking the delivery online rather than hiring someone else’s channel is revolutionary. On-selling some of the rights to TVNZ is clearly a win-win for everyone except Sky (who will not reduce their sports package despite the loss of content).

The English soccer with it’s traditional fanatics is a sound base to begin. I remember listening to 1ZB before Merv Smith and his 1080 club began at 6am on Sundays and following the news was the English soccer results read out by an Englishmen who pronounced one as if it rhymed with tone. It would take a few minutes to get through all the results because there were a thousand teams and half of them were doulble-barrelled City of and United and King’s Wednesday Heart of Mid-Globian etc. And the scores were usually 0-0 or 1-0 and once it got to about five nil – nil’s in a row. The odd one was snowed off, IRA threatened suspended – a welcome break in the monotony.

Unfortunately the game of soccer as it is played is every bit as desultory as the scores. It is a 90 minute game with 80 minutes of bullshit and the NZ public, accostomed to more clear cut outcomes in the scoreline and blood with its form of football, will not prefer soccer over rugby. Soccer makes the tedious America’s Cup racing look exciting. Sky still holds those union tickets and will probably out-bid the new concern to keep their cornerstone within the cornerstone.

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Too much prissy footwork, like they were Morris dancers, and more Hollywood moments in acting injured and indignancy than Band of Brothers – that is the view NZers have of the association football. I used to watch the FA Cup final for some reason, because it was live sport in the days of two channels, but such novelty is gone for this generation. If the TV news stops reporting it in the sports segment like it was the only show in town then maybe its spell will be broken. It may have been scratches and handbags on field but in the terraces the mobs were there. The Hillsborough and Brussels disasters were low points – both live on NZ television.

The heavier and darker elements of the lingering and natural attraction both men and women have to violence is not confined to boxing. It is the approval of the fights that break out in rugby primarily and the physical damage the audience has come to expect that is the proof. It is an ultimate measure we demand. Buck Shelford played on with his testicle ripped out, Pine Tree’s brain was once smashed out and mistakenly used as the ball during a phase of play at Hitlerstroom, South Africa. Legendary moments. Wally Lewis with his head lolling about fully unconcious, dragged from the field, is up again and playing 5 minutes later – that is the sacrifice and commitment the audience respects, no matter how ghastly it appears to our modern sensibilities.

6 COMMENTS

  1. I respect your opinon, however, the fact that you insist on calling football ‘soccer’ tells the knowledgable reader all they need to about the insight on display in this article.

  2. Brazilian soccer is much better to watch than Kiwi rugby union, and rugby league is better than either. English soccer – yuck! I’d almost rather sit through a Tony Blair speech on human rights.

    • I think you are confusing English players with the English Premier League.
      English players suck and they are boring, but the EPL is full of many of the best foreign players. The English players shine their boots.
      As a league, it is generally considered the best and most exciting, also has a high goal ratio. All thanks to dirty oil money and sugar-daddies.

  3. Wally Lewis is a hell of a nice guy, and very personable – unlike Paul Homes was. He however, got adult onset Epilepsy – that generally needs something major to trigger it – Let me guess – the kicks, punches and whacks to the head. And lets not forget the incident Tim just mentioned. That is hard – very hard – but what about all the players who are not a house hold name like Wally?

    In corporate funded sports the need/desire to produce results become an imperative for any player. So, they put there body on the line over and over again (can some-else do the ACC debate and the fast tracking that seems to happen with these sports people) and our bodies can only take so much. What happens to their bodies after the sport – what happens to the families?

    Working stiffs who get paid to play, will still lose out in the end. How many of the current crop are going to suffer debilitating injuries – and were not going to remember them, when the roar of the crowd dies away?

    Thanks for a great article Tim

  4. Tim, you could have explored more deeply points within this issue such as the technological divide of internet access, the exclusion from viewing for many people of NZ’s most popular children’s sport, or the probable end of SKY’s monopoly.
    I’d expect to hear this sort of drivel from a half-pissed rugger at the rugby club rooms.
    I’d be happy to ghostwrite some posts for you if you can’t be bothered.

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