The 2014 cup of tea in Epsom with Colin Craig, John Key & John Banks



I think much of the derision and mocking of Colin Craig is terribly misplaced.

I would love to write Colin off as a clown, but I think that is lazy and dangerous.

Outside the hallowed echo chambers of the media elites there is a NZ that is seething in polarized religious rage at Marriage Equality that Colin speaks to.

I think Craig is smarter than our mocking allows for. He is gaining support at the fringes of society, the horizon point where public education has failed and religious dogma takes over.

Look at the language Craig uses, it’s all old testament. Colin is speaking to a religious audience via the vehicle of the mainstream media.

Take his ludicrous crusade against the very funny Civilian satire site. Craig’s argument is one of falsehood, that The Civilian has put words into his mouth. For the culturally sophisticated amongst us, we howl with glee at his seeming lack of capacity to laugh at himself, for those on the sidelines of reason in the grandstand with the Holy Ghost, his is a righteous stand.

Everytime the media mock and crucify Colin Craig, the more disciples he gains.

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Imagine election 2014, National are neck and neck with the left and the Conservative Party is just sub 5%. It is not impossible to see National Party strategists throwing Colin Craig a bone in the form of a cup of tea in Epsom, alongside ACT to cement a right block that could counter any political leverage NZ First may have as the Maori Party lose their ability to offer National that political machination.

Colin Craig needs to be taken seriously so he can be taken to task.

A National-ACT-Conservative Party is no laughing matter.


  1. But how would that work in reality? There can only be one electorate MP in Epsom. How likely is it that Banks gets re-elected? The voters in Epsom by now are surely wary of voting strategically for a candidate that they really don’t like. And it is a very long way for Craig’s Conservatives to get to within 5%. The scenario as you paint it is possible, but in my view extremely unlikely. (crosses all fingers and toes….)

    • ‘….And it is a very long way for Craig’s Conservatives to get to within 5%…’

      Yes, but let’s not forget that in 1996 the Christian Heritage party managed 4.4% by peddling a not dissimilar message with a very slickly run campaign targeted at the moral minority. So, another similarly well run campaign, with a bit of tactical ‘help’ from the Nats, does not make 5% an impossible result for them.

  2. When I scanned and saw “Colin Craig, John Key & John Banks” and further down “Holy ghost” I expected to read about the Holy Trinity! Reality ruled however and it was about an Unholy Alliance.

    What is the horizon point where Craig and his supporters see public education has failed? The point they believe the anti-public education propaganda bullshit? The point which sees them believing the simplistic nonsense he trotted out before the last election about education? The point there they will clutch at an any straw to be seen to not be in with the “losers” of society who inhabit state schools? The point where they feebly think that in the class war, joining Craig’s army puts them into higher realms?

  3. “gay adoption” and ‘euthanasia’ the issues to come; not necessarily in that order according to the Conservative Party. 😉

  4. They will probably use Rodney ( the electorate not Hide). Make sure Mark Mitchell is high enough on the list to guarantee a seat, and have a cup of tea with CC in Orewa.

  5. Discourse, Tea Party 2014:
    “Ahem, hi Johnno, this is Colin, you know, can be have a cuppa, dear friend? Ahem, yeah, ah, ooh, well, it worked before, let us go to the one in Newmarket, you know.”

    “Yep, I’ll be there, I ask a question though, let us have a prayer before.”

    “Ahem, oooh, yeah, ok, I’m not the praying type, also not in Synagogues, where, kinda, I was connected to once, but hey, we can always talk about that, well, we will, at least, pray the left don’ t get a chance, aye?”

    “Good, I meet you at .. and .. date.”

    “Hey, howdy, good to see ya, John, you look good, did you have a second coming? I have second comings after every binge, mate, it is like once the dry terror hits, I start seeing a different sort of light, but let us sit down.”

    “You look great, Col, what do ya want to keep us in?”

    “I really do not like gay marriage and all this stuff, ya know, we prayed a lot and worried a lot.”

    “Ah, well, ahem, I have gay ones and also friends in my party, but hey, Maurice is a hot speaker, he is also popular with You Tube, I am sure he can come up with a hot alternative – like a born again Christian kind of speech.” “We may have to review the marriage act also, but we need to find a formula”.

    H”ey, that is great, he is welcomed to our prayer meeting, which I trust can be held in Parliament also, can it?”

    “Ahem, well, deep is the cup of dark tea, so deep is any opportunity to be explored. We can offer cabinet room for your prayers, if that is OK. I also will keep our gays away from ya, if that helps, but they will of course hold some warm fussy speeches now and then, so bear with it, that does not mean we cannot work togetha.”

    “Great, John, we got it worked out, here is my hand, we have a deal now, I will not expose myself to John the Lost Baptist Banks’ risk behaviour, I am clean.”

    “Wow, I love that, we will all be clean after this, so get moving then, sing the deal, I am in charge, I allow you to pray and keep the queers in check, and then we go about getting NZ moved further to the middle ground on the right, aye?”

    “Hey, yeah, I own business, am keen on tax relief, I pray for it each night, and yes, we will keep the Greens and Labour away, as they are such evil ones, that should be nailed on the cross, instead of us. Hey John, I love you, blessed you be, but do not marry me, please, I have some funny feeling.”

    “I am married, so no risk there, but my wife has been talking recently about gender change, that gets me more worried”.

    “Oh, no, that cannot be. Anyway, let us pray she finds the truth. I am in for the good cause, and we can always talk about things, John.”

    “Great, we are in, let us get the country sorted, the way we want.”

  6. Colins got my vote .. He is certainly not an old testament religious figure which has been the agenda of Bradbury, media & the Civilian in trying to paint such a picture in order to discourage mainstream Kiwis from voting for him. Its pure propaganda , im sure Bradbury you know that already, you’ve hated the guy since your anti smacking bs was used against the majority of people ..You are using exactly the same propaganda techniques used by Goebbels & the Nazis during the war. You must be oh so proud.Im sure Bradbury if the Civilian had done the same to you & slandered you as a racist , homophobic nutter & it was on the net as factual reporting then you would be throughly pissed.Colin is reported as saying many people rang him asking if that was actually what he said. As it is, if some publication doesnt make it clear that it is satirical ,& nowhere did the Civilian say their piece was satire! Then they or any organisation should expect further ramifications of legal notices to prevent this propaganda.Yes i enjoy Tom Scott , i see the cartoons , my mind reads “taking the piss” its obvious its a bloody cartoon but the Civilian is guilty of not making it bloody obvious .

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