Tony Veitch is astounding

By   /   May 9, 2016  /   28 Comments

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No one wants to hear from him any more. He’s not helping survivors of domestic violence and neither are the New Zealand Herald if they think that continually giving Veitch this platform is showing guys that accountability is OK.

SCOUT_Tony_Veitch_thumb

Tony Veitch is astounding.

He was at it again recently with a bit of a ‘sorry’ article published in the Herald. It sounded something like this. I don’t feel like linking to the actual article but you can find it with a quick Google if you care.

I get this whole public-will urge to forgive.

But forgiveness requires an:

– Honest appraisal of a situation
– Legitimate accountability, and
– Clear cessation of problematic behaviour

Only Tony don’t know how to cease, he hasn’t been completely honest about his history and his accountability is only something he offers via his various publications on the issue. According to Kristen and her family he’s never apologised to her directly. How authentic is an apology via print if you’re not willing to directly apologise to the person you could have killed? He just can’t get it right. His narcissistic ramblings – that are so willingly gobbled up and amplified by the New Zealand Herald – are an embarrassingly transparent mechanism he routinely exploits to restore his public persona. I mean every single time he broadcasts something on ‘that time he broke his partner’s spine in four places’ the primary function of that broadcast is image crafting. It’s pretty cynical and gross.

This week’s most disturbing, cutting realness blog came from the Dad of Tony’s former partner Kristen. Steve the Dad isn’t taking any shit. He calls out Veitch on the fact Tony never apologized to Kristen, and is simply using the media to reconstruct his rep. What is an apology in public without one in person? What is an apology from a guy who has a long history of problematic behaviour but continues to diminish and downplay his actions?

I imagine how deeply disturbed Kristen and her family must be every freakin’ year that he’s given the opportunity to play out his narcissistic image crafting in the public domain. It must be like a scab that never heals, one that Tony won’t leave alone. Imagine how much she doesn’t want to hear what he has to say on the issue. How does a person repair themselves when their abuser has such an expansive public platform to broadcast their feels? It’s not his right to use the trauma he inflicted upon her to make himself seem like a better dude. I’m pissed at the Herald for giving Tony the opportunity to do this. That isn’t ‘helping’ any survivors of domestic violence. It’s an example of a media organisation allowing an abuser to perpetuate a form of harm.

It’s time for Veitch to STFU for good.

No one wants to hear from him any more. He’s not helping survivors of domestic violence and neither are the New Zealand Herald if they think that continually giving Veitch this platform is showing guys that accountability is OK. What they’re doing is showing guys that it’s OK to turn abusive actions into posturing as a victim and that it’s OK to use abuse scenarios in creative ways to make people think you’re a good guy – no matter how this affects those you harmed. Kristen and her family are clearly sick of it. We’re all sick of it. New Zealand Herald should show some respect. If you wanna help DV survivors then don’t keep publishing this shite.


 

 

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28 Comments

  1. paigey says:

    I don’t see what the big deal is. They were in a relationship he was hurt she was hurt. Tony made a mistake and paid the consequences and then some. No one is perfect, well have our flaws. People forgot that Tony was hurt as well and would have been going through a difficult time. We say we are a just society but we make it hard for offenders to move on from their mistakes and carry on with their lives., we keep dragging them down. It’s a callous attitude. Let the man move on. One last thing I had a tumultuous relation when my gf would hit and verbally abuse me and play mind games with me, but no one cares about what the guy is going through. They just call you weak. Yes domestic violence is not okay but it goes both ways. No man wakes up one day saying I’m going to hit my partner it happens in the heat of the moment and is built up over time. Let pay more attention to the mental health aspect rather the jumping to conclusions and playing the blame game.

    • Lila says:

      Oh. Did you break your g/f spine in four? Do you whine every year about the impact it’s had on YOUR life? Have you found it difficult to find a job, have sexual relations, have a child because of the injuries inflicted by your ex? No?

      Then maybe STFU, then!

    • data-boy says:

      Wow, I could tell you were a privileged male just from your comment. Go join a MRA group and whine to them, because the world does NOT need more entitled privileged guys touting their own version of morality in this day and age. You experienced abuse, therefore go get some counselling. You do NOT have anything to compare to Kristen. You may not be able to think above and beyond your little frog pond, but the world is a big bad and ugly place with most sexual, emotional and physical abuse being done by MALES towards either non cis-het members of society, or female identifying people. Sorry to burst you narcissistic bubble mate.

    • data-boy says:

      Breaking spines is not “making a mistake”. It’s perpetuating abuse. If we had a better justice system he’d be put to death.

      I wish one could just erase whiney little men who think they are more important than everyone else, like you’ve pointed out you are in your comments. If you suffered abuse, get some counselling. Don’t compare your small frog pond experience with the big bad world, where things aren’t “mistakes” but preying on people’s weaknesses then when caught trying to appear holy and innocent to save face. Mainly by men, if you care to study statistics.

    • Draco T Bastard says:

      No man wakes up one day saying I’m going to hit my partner it happens in the heat of the moment and is built up over time

      So what is it? Heat of the moment or built up over time? Can’t be both.

      If it’s heat of the moment then the person needs to grow the fuck up and control themselves. If its built up over time then they need to grow the fuck up and ask for help before they hurt someone.

    • They were in a relationship he was hurt she was hurt. Tony made a mistake and paid the consequences and then some. No one is perfect, well have our flaws. People forgot that Tony was hurt as well and would have been going through a difficult time.

      Paigey – throwing someone down stairs and breaking their spine is hardly a “mistake”.

      Honestly, your attitude to what was a violent crime is every bit as disturbing as Veitch’s assault.

      I’m not surprised you wouldn’t dare put your real name to your post.

    • Mark Jepson says:

      No wonder your girlfriend gave you a smack, you are a moron. Tony is the one who keeps bringing it to the public’s attention, so maybe he should shut his pie hole and everybody could move on. Think before you say something Paigey.

    • Mike the Lefty says:

      I think you got the wrong blog there sonny.
      You should have posted this on stuff.co.nz – the hideout for deranged rednecks, violence apologists, John Key sycophants and frustrated trolls.
      They will probably give you enough likes to make you feel like the man you really feel you should be, but clearly aren’t.

    • mpledger says:

      Where is the evidence that she did anything to him? He says they were in a toxic relationship but then that’s what he would say. He says they argued but almost everyone in relationships argue – that’s how people reach compromise over their different wants and needs. It shouldn’t escalate to violence – especially the hateful violence that occurred in this case and his total disregard for her once she was injured – he didn’t give a toss about what he had done. That’s not someone who “snapped” that someone totally callous.

    • Eddy Saul says:

      ‘He was hurt’?, did she break HIS spine in 4 places? How would you feel if he did this to your daughter? He has paid for his mistake?, really? a year off from his high-paying job … that he then gets back!,. This ‘man ‘ is a piece of human shit and should never have been allowed back on the air. If you’d like to debate it, I’ll see if my size 11 can break his spine in 4 places and let’s hear you whine then. If he had made a genuine apology and shown some genuine remorse I’d be prepared to cut him some slack… but it’s narcissistic psychopathy at its worst… he has shown absolutely no empathy for what he has done to his victim. Don’t make this piece of crap into the victim, he’s absolutely the one at fault here. Oh, and I really don’t care about your relationship, if you can’t handle it, walk away… don’t beat her up.

  2. Jessie Hume says:

    You miss the point. “We all make mistakes” is a deeply inadequate response to the severity of the situation. If someone is murdered and they have a history of dangerous violence we don’t just say “we all make mistakes” we take steps to safeguard the community and they have to be reasonable, earnest steps.

    Her spine was broken in four places and he keeps going on and on about his mistake in the public domain with the specific intention of recrafting his public image. Every year the NZH posts some long message about his feelings as though this helps domestic violence suffers when it doesn’t. It’s very obviously not authentic when he didn’t even apologise to Kristen directly. He also was abusive on an ongoing basis and had a history of this physical abuse and he’s not been honest about this either.

    This shows a huge lack of integrity and he’s not someone demonstrating a good way to move on. He’s demonstrating exactly how to almost kill someone, get away with it, then posture as the victim. He’s demonstrating exactly how to continue traumatising his survivor by publishing his thoughts on this in the public domain over and over. She’s clearly sick of it, her family are clearly sick of it, so why isn’t that more important than his right to be in the centre of everything.

    This man is an obvious narcissist.

    • paigey says:

      How do you know he wasn’t a victim of abuse in the past? People who abuse others have suffered trauma in there past which is why I say treat mental health. What do you want him to do? you’ve explained what you don’t want him to do, so what should he do? How will you be satisfied that he is remorseful and has “learn’t” his lesson, what will this look like to you?

      • How do you know he wasn’t a victim of abuse in the past?

        Are there any other excuses you’d like to offer, Paigey?

        Let’s be honest here, you’re trying to minimise violence against another human being and you’re reaching for straws.

        • Jessie Hume says:

          I’ve actually already explained exactly what that would look like in my blog and comments.

      • Brigid says:

        What we want him to do is get treatment for his seriously compromised mental health.

        What do you think he should do?
        Should he apologise to his victim perhaps?

        But what do you gain by offering him your support?

        Are you an abusive brute as well?

      • richarquis says:

        Oh, so if someone has done it to him, it’s okay for him to do it to someone else? Loads of people have undergone abuse and know that it’s not right to continue the cycle. Stop being a goddamn apologist. It makes you look stupid.

      • According to his victim’s father, the brutal attack on Ms Dunne-Powell was not Veitch’s first violent incident. As Steve Dunne wrote yesterday for Fairfax media;

        This was no one-off, as you still attempt to mislead the New Zealand public to believe.

        The other charges were never presented to the court, but they remain evidence of your systematic abusive pattern. In those files lies a very inconvenient truth for you.

        ref: http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/79754791/I-wish-my-daughter-was-not-forever-connected-to-Tony-Veitch

      • Sally's Husband says:

        So, Paigey, you think violence toward women is ok, do you? I mean, just a few bruises, maybe a broken jaw, is all fine?

        I hope your partner is ok.

      • Priss says:

        Paigey, your blase attitude toward violence is disturbing to put it mildly. It might’ve been the norm in the 1950s, but it is not acceptable in the 21st century.

  3. une bonne femme says:

    The only way a narcissist feels remorse is when the world around him treats him badly for what he has done. He doesn’t feel badly for what he has done to the victim’s world, he just doesn’t like the feeling of being judged so he tries to re invent himself as a victim of his own violence. They do not feel empathy, they feel good about themselves when they are listened to. My situation..our couples counsellor would not see him until he had completed a 20 week anger management course. He felt very good about himself as ‘the other guys on the course were much worse’ (he had spat in my face, strangle held me against a wall, cornered me, threw hard objects at me pushed objects into my face to make my teeth cut inside of my mouth and much more, it started small just threats and anger, it got much worse, but he felt the other guys were worse. He is a European male and there was never any alcohol or other drugs involved he just liked to control his environment which included me. At the course he felt listened to and managed to see himself as the victim of his own violence. Anger management is great, I am just saying the more manipulative and narcissistic tendencies the client has, sadly the more attention they get by playing the victim or feigning remorse which especially gets loads of attention, the better they feel. They also think when they say sorry that it’s all sweet. ‘Why are you still afraid of me? Why doesn’t my daughter want to stay over at my place?” And then that becomes the safe parents fault, his actions had nothing to do with it. Now his friends like him and feel sorry for him. We have had to move towns and start a new life to have a physical distance and recover.

  4. Kim dandy says:

    The herald has a habit of propping up losers – John key and Mike hoskings spring to mind, amongst others.

  5. Z says:

    Veitch the professional victim. Let’s hope Women’s Day doesn’t pay him for an interview.

  6. Kate Kate says:

    The most brilliant book I have ever read on the subject of a culture in denial.

    Derrick Jensen’s book; A Language Older Than Words.

    “In the beginning is the urge. In the people who would destroy it is always there. Like poisoned water, it is heavy; like poisoned water, it is ungraspable; like poisoned water, it always seeks for cracks to seep through, to wear away, to open; like poisoned water it emerges, and when the vessel breaks, as so often it does, like poisoned water it comes out raging its mantra of death.”

    All of the Derrick Jensen’s books are incredible, as he sees right through all the bullshit right to the heart of a really nasty problem we have with a violent culture hell bent on destroying each other and all life on earth. Seriously!

    His work really enlightens the reader to the very, very sad truth, believe me. He is a must read to see how sick this culture really is, the hideous truth layed bare. Everyone needs to read his books, or this one especially.

  7. Allison says:

    What a dick.

  8. Angela says:

    I respectfully disagree with this article.

    Not wanting to get torn apart here, so I won’t explain myself. I do have an opinion, just don’t want the verbal abuse and name calling from people who would disagree with me.

  9. Rich says:

    Yes yes all men are ogres who do not deserve redemption and Wimin are perfect frikin angels.

    And man cannot be trusted with punishment!

  10. Blake says:

    Defending violence and denying the rights and pain of the victims stinks and goes on all the time. Tony is a massive coward and we avoid him and his sports righteousness. He has no remorse and men like him are not good role models – AT ALL ! ! !
    The co-dependent violent / abusive defenders, like Paigey, are full of venom and lack of ethics. Its all the girls fault — hey — Paigey and Veitch ? ?